The strangest thing happened to me last night. Let me preface this by reminding you that I am a compulsive overeater and that I have been constantly thinking about sneaking out to Wal-Mart and buying one of their lovely miniature cheesecakes or a carrot cake which happens to be my favorite. Oh carrot cake, with your golden raisins and cream cheese frosting… You will be glad to know, however; that I have not acted on my impulses even though I do think about my next cake constantly.
Anyway, I awoke to a strange feeling on my chest. At first I thought it was the cat trying to steal my breath while I slept, but the cat was not there when I opened my eyes. Instead, our friend Cute Little Devil was standing there, on my chest, pounding the dull end of his pitchfork into my sternum.
Cute Little Devil: “C’mon, wake up! We have something to do!”
Me: “Go away, will you? I was sleeping so well. Come back later, if you must.”
Cute Little Devil: “Look, let’s not make this harder than it has to be. All I want is for you to get up and take me to Wal-Mart. It’s not a big deal, I promise. I just want to look around.”
Me: “So go. I’m sure you have other people you can get to take you. Wait, you’re a devil, demon or whatever, can’t you just blink like Jeannie to get there?”
Cute Little Devil: “It doesn’t work like that, Dimwit! I NEED you to take me to Wal-Mart! How do you know I don’t want something sweet, like a cheesecake, hmmm? Just because you can’t have it doesn’t mean I have to go without! Now, get dressed and let’s go!”
I looked around for Sweet Little Angel but didn’t see him around. Cute Little Devil snickered as he leaned against his pitchfork.
Me: “Look, I can’t go. I’m trying to do something good here. Not only for myself, but be to be a good example for others. Now, go away and let me go back to sleep.”
Cute Little Devil: “You, always with the conscience! Nobody will know! The plan is perfect. Take me with you for moral support. C’mon pal, nobody’s gonna know!”
Me: “I’ll know! I’ll know that I cheated. That I cheated myself. I’ll know that I lied to everyone about how good I was getting at controlling myself. I’LL KNOW AND THAT IS WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT!!!!!”
Cute Little Devil: Fine, just fine, you… you… you goody-two-shoes! You’re always trying to do the right thing. I’ve grown tired of you… for now.”
“Poof”, just like that, he was gone. I laid there, trying to remind myself that although Cute Little Devil wants me to fail, others are rooting for me Even more important to remember is that by going to the gym every day and sticking to my diet, I am rooting for myself.
