Getting Back on the Horse

A few things have happened since my last post, but the most important happened this evening. I have not been able to do any two-a-days for a week and came back today with a vengeance. Instead of walking the treadmill, I am now riding the stationary bike and I must say that pedaling while sitting down is not as easy as I thought it would be. But, anything to burn fat and calories, right?

So, tonight I pedaled my cholesterol-filled heart out for forty-five minutes. Definitely a personal best for me! My legs burning and wobbly, I gingerly climbed down from the bike and made my way to the locker room. Victory was mine tonight! I had pedaled 11 miles in such a short time and worked up a good sweat. I felt great, and then I saw them. Two slim people, a man and a woman on elliptical machines. I heard the man tell her "look, but don't look". Of course she turned her head, looked at me and immediately began to snicker and they shared a nice laugh together at my expense. Now, I know I am no beauty. I have often been reminded throughout my life that I will never be a looker and I have accepted it. But nothing hurts more than what I just described.

I wanted to cry, but more than that; I wanted to eat. I decided that I would tan and then go pick up a small cheesecake to help me drown my sorrows. Surprisingly enough, Sweet Little Angel and Cute Little Devil did not show up, but while I was in the rotisserie I plotted and planned and tried to justify feeling sorry for myself and then it hit me. How dare they make fun of me and how dare I allow them to make me feel bad! I realize that people make me feel bad about myself because I let them. Lucky for them, they are two pretty people on the outside. They will never have to know how much guts it takes to get dressed, get to the gym and work out on a machine knowing the rest of the gym can see your fat jiggling. They will never know what a struggle it is to bypass all of the goodies, and have celery and water instead. Unfortunately for them, they have a hard time facing their real selves in the mirror and make up for it by making people feel bad when really, they should be applauded for their bravery.

So, I left the gym and stopped by my local Wal-Mart. What did I buy? A new blender and I must admit that my protein shake tasted like... like...VICTORY!!!