Stick A Fork In Me

I was told to take a small break from my two-a-days. The other day, I don't know if it was from pain or frustration; but I completely broke down when Mike gave me a new free weight challenge. My ankle hurt so badly I thought it was broken again. I've graduated to walking the treadmill on an incline and Mike thought maybe I'd put some strain on it and needed the weekend to rest it. I haven't been exactly true to my promise to stay away from the gym. I have noticed that when I have the urge to eat, if I go to the gym I feel much better and even more determined to stick with the program. So, I worked out Friday and Saturday, big deal. I am taking today off.

Last night after an upper body and then hour-long treadmill workout, I decided to use one of the tanning booths at Gold's. I know, tanning beds and booths are supposed to be for the skin; but the more I work out and visualize myself with a svelte body, the more I want my skin to go from a sickly, pasty white to a light, healthy-looking brown. I have lain in tanning BEDS before, but have never used a booth. Basically, you go into the booth, lock the door, disrobe, put lotion on, step through another smaller door, and press the green "start" button. The booth is set on a timer by the girl at the desk and all is supposed to go well.

Okay now, we all know I'm a pretty big girl. Imagine taking all of your clothes off in a telephone booth. Not one of the open-air booths, but one of the old-fashioned ones. I was bumping my arms against the walls, hitting my head on the little shelf on the wall and I was really afraid the entire thing would topple over. I am sure it looked and sounded like two people fighting in there. I finally got the lotion on and stepped through the tiny door into the tanning "area" of the booth. At first, the door wouldn't shut. It kept popping open and I thought it was because my stomach was keeping it from closing tightly. I thought, "Okay, I'll just hold it shut by the handle. Maybe that's what you're supposed to do anyway." So I held it shut, pressed the "start" button and "POP", the lights turned on and the pop made me almost jump out of my skin. Then I realized that when the lights turn on, the door shuts and latches. In case of burning or claustrophobia, there is an "off" button so I didn't feel trapped, exactly.

While inside, I noticed the hexagonal shape and the fact that the bulbs are covered by grates and a strange feeling and image came over me. I actually felt like a Boston Butt roast in a rotisserie except I wasn't moving around and around and didn't have a spike up my ample ass. The lights went out with a pop that was as loud as the earlier one and the small door opened. Again, I fought with my body as I got dressed and put my socks and sneakers on. Before I opened the main door, I took a deep breath sighed to myself, "Another workout down. Stick a fork in me, I'm done... for today."